Love

Love is art is a physical representation of our private feelings made public because love is what I need and what I want but what I sometimes cannot grasp. I would like to rent happiness and maybe love but love like dove wings or borrowed emotions are fleeting and not warm mugs of camomile tea to fill your veins and send you into numbing dream death, a reckless sleep, but yeah, I guess that’s love too. Love is the gift that keeps on taking, and love is a dozen whatsapp messages wrapped in an intercontinental hug and postage paid memories (P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney). Love is, I suppose, things left unsaid but not unfelt in the shadows cast by the fruit bowl lights and love is watching the sky grow blue rose and red violet while we sit on the wide white steps and talk about other people’s love.

Transcription here.

I love this poem so much. And the way she says it is so amazing. It's really the best poetry slam performance that I've seen so far.

I think I like it because it resonates with me. On the days when I feel like a swamp monster, or less than great I just want to listen to Katie Makkai say this poem. Over and over again. I am truly inspired and buoyed by this. It's that amazing.

This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, “No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.

“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty'.”

A bit narcissistic but I want to talk about my birthday.

I woke up on Wednesday to find

A lovely series of messages from Kellie &
a new group chat started by Lauren (SHE FINALLY GOT WHATSAPP!!!)

Then I went to school...and school was ok. I improved my running timing though! 1.6km in 9.21 :D

And Ivy and Adeline got me a slice of cake during break <3

Then after Art, Liqing brought me to the cafe where the og was waiting and they sang/shouted the birthday song to me for n times.
And while I was cutting the cake that Liqing made, Jia Chen came over and I was like 'Hi!!' and he told me to look behind and I will never forget the exact moment when I turned my head because it's so surreal and amazing because

I SAW JACE, BENJAMIN AND KEZIAH.

I screamed a bit (actually, pretty loudly. I don't think my og has heard me scream like that before haha) and ran to them and hugged all of them because I was that shocked and surprised and happy. Ben was in his NY uniform while Jace was wearing the MJ one and Keziah was wearing a borrowed TPJ house tee.

Surreal.

They gave me freddo, spongebob biscuits and Voldemort's wand (it shines when you press a button, so that night I had fun in my room shouting 'Lumos! Nox!' out loud.

We left school with Jocelyn (their accomplice in the grand scheme) and went to this superb Swedish restaurant at Haji Lane called Fika. <3 The swedish meatballs there are...out of this world. I'll never look at Ikea meatballs the same way again! We cut the cake on the street and ate it while sitting in front of some textiles shop. :)

Then we walked around Haji Lane and went to Bugis St. I swear, Bugis St has changed so much! For example, there are actually clothes there that are cheap and don't seem ah lian :`) and they added a third floor.

I left early to meet my parents at Mad for Garlic at Suntec. Then I went home and felt very very loved. And any esteem issues I had went on vacation for that day :)

love filling me up, my heart swollen and bursting with rich red life and distending me like a balloon with too much air.

Not every one is here, but my point is that I run around with cool, sexy, awesome people every day. Yup, just a normal day for me HAHA.

OG 20 so sexy! Love them :)

3rd week of school just ended! I nearly forgot this place existed.

Just got sorted into my CG (civics group a.k.a class), 12A09. It's like 3IT/4IT all over again because there are 14 girls and only 3 guys.

What I like about JC so far:
-small class size
-FLEXIBILITY! In JC the days are longer but they don't feel as long as a normal day in secondary school. Because in secondary school we spend all our time in class sitting through lesson after lesson. In my JC there's a homeroom system where we have a homeroom but not a fixed classroom. So we spend the day running around campus to our next classes or having breaks.
-the fact that I don't have to take subjects I dislike anymore (with the exception of chinese and math). No more science! :D My combi is H2 Lit, Econs, Math and H1 Art, together with compulsory H1 GP, PW and Chinese. Econs and art is really interesting! And of course, I love lit ^^ Math is tough, so I have to keep reminding myself that I took Math because it's a 'safety net' subject for me. Like, math can be improved on with tuition and hard work. Stability is precious when most of your subjects are, well, subjective and mutable rather than fixed.
-the uniform. I never want to go back to the chung cheng uniform after switching to a jc uniform hahaha. A-line skirts are sooo comfortable :) And my shirt comes with a drawstring! (Y) and my school uniform is mint-green, and the pe shirt is turquose-green. I wish my house was phoenix though, so I could legitimately wear the blue phoenix house tee and not feel like a traitor because my house is falcon (orange) haha.

What I hate about JC so far:
-math, chinese. I'm so sick of studying Chinese. :/
-PW lectures. they're boring as hell.
-PE. GDI PE twice a week. RUNNING. WHY?! the author of this blog has no stamina thanks. In fact my stamina has deteriorated since I was sec 1. Sec 1 2.4 timing: 14:45. Sec 4 2.4 timing: 18:00.

Ok can.

In other news,

I'm having:
4IT & OG20 withdrawal syndrome ):

Even though there were distinct cliques in 4IT we were still a very bonded class. :) I've met up with Kellie and Keziah so far. I still need to meet everyone else! ^^ preferably before the poly people start school because they'll be so busy by then.

And I miss OG 20 so damn much! I need to see them every day!

There's just this instant 'click!' that I have with OG 20. We've barely known each other for a month (3 weeks!) and we can talk like we've known each other for a lifetime. I love spending time with this bunch of beautiful, fantastic, pick-up line obsessed people.* Seeing them is the high point of my days :D OG20 is like my TPJC family :`)

When I say OG, you say twenty! OG! Twenty! OG! Twenty! OG! Twenty! Yeah man :)

*Save for 1.

i like how my stomach hums in unison with my xylophone chest. my fingers pick out a tune: up, down, up, down.

i like to touch the knobs of bone that run down my back like the nubs of baby dragon scales- one day I will be invincible.

i like to rub the little ball of bone at the side of my wrist.

i like myself better when i'm not eating.

Facebook has been inundated by a slew of posts like:

X has been added to ~JC OG* '12! by Y.

Ask to join ~JC OG* '12          about 1 hour ago

I just think it's so cute. That's all. :)

CONTENTMENT IS KEY. Quoted from the mighty Keziah Wei.

Today's the first day of the orientation at TPJC. Saw a handful of CCH people there, which made me feel slightly better.

Was actually feeling pretty #foreveralone, then Jocelyn walked into the hall and...

Invisible bright light erupted from my pores and I exploded into a million fragments. /cue dramatic cymbal crash/

No la I was just really excited to see a very friendly face. :`)

There was a really long speech, which took like 1.5hours. I couldn't stop fidgeting because I could feel my knees protesting (ya la, old already). ):

Did introductions, played double whacko and made friends with this incredibly sweet girl called Wen Jing. She looks like Novelle Goh! So qt. :) Mass dance was pretty fun, and the cheers are nice...v. tribal, which makes me feel like running around in a leopard toga and shouting 'OOGA BOOGA'. Yep. Well it's tribal because the backstory of the orientation is that the world has ended. And so, we, the survivors have to rebuild civilisation (doesn't this ring a bit of Lord of the Flies?). So there are four tribes: Tarnia, Pheoria (sp?), Jernite and Chikamauga (sp?). I'm in Jernite together with Jocelyn! :) We're in different OGs though. She's in 18 and I'm in 20.

I guess TP isn't as bad as I thought it was. Of course, I still hope that my appeal goes through. If it doesn't...well, I'd better learn to appreciate TP as soon as possible. At least I have a JC slot! I'll make the best of a (seemingly) bad situation. After all, I can't change a thing even if I want to. All I have to blame is perhaps, myself and the Bell Curve God.

The girls in my og are all really nice, got to talk to this cute girl called Rachel, another cute girl called Liqing, and an awesome girl called Ash for short. I am smothered by the excess of cuteness radiating from my og mates!

I'll keep my head up.

It's just two years. What I want to do is to study hard, have fun in my cca, and try to top the level. and get all my As.

It's probably not possible because there are so many smart people in TP as well. :|

Mrs Pong (who's an alumnus of TPJC herself) once told me that there is no such thing as a bad JC. Just lazy students. If students are going to be what makes a JC, I'm going to want to be one of the best! /ambitious and delusional/

I miss everyone though. Keziah, Kellie, Toby, Weimaine, Jade, Ximin, Jingwen, Liang, Weishan, Annabelle, Benjamin, Yunqi, Mrs Pong, Mrs Sim, Mr Ahmad, Mr Tan*... the list just goes on and on. ):

がんばります。

The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:[2]

Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.

Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..."

Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event.

- Wikipedia